Oh Crap

Damnit. After a very verry long time, im actually scared to go to an examination. I think im going to fail EE105. Maybe its better that way. Then i can take it next sem and get a decent grade at least. I have that familiar feeling again, when im hanging, this far from the shit -- , and i can smell it already. But unlike all those other times when i climbed out of it, this time, there is no escape. But i must try nonetheless, struggle in vain, put up a show for someone up there to enjoy, before succumbing to the inevitable. Hence i soldier on. I guess the difference is in my heart ive already given up... i know it but somehow cannot overcome it. Tellingly, what comes to mind now is the first stanza of one of Wilfred Owen's works... The whole piece, below.

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! - An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, -
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Sigh..

Aaaaaaahhhhhh... I cant seem to remember anything i studied last night... One more final... im living in Cory now... moved here for 2 days... noone in my house anyway... only the tv for company... 25 hours before end of finals.... sigh... back to studying.

Eye of the Storm

Two finals done, two more to go. Cant get the damn Picassa to work.. can someone teach me to use that damn thing or Hello to put my pics on my blog? Its just too troublesome to create a post of all the pics.. i need to make one of those collages which expand into the individual photos wen you click on them. Im going home soon ... woohoo.. business class on 25th... my mama moved me to business class cos of my broken hand muahahahaha... I must start blogging my genius so it doesnt waste away.... haha.. ive had 3 brilliant ideas this week. Il write about them after finals.