Friday, September 28, 2007


Suddenly, i totally get what alma said. Haha.. mmm mmm mmm. Sigh.

Saturday, September 22, 2007


I want to not care.

but every time i talk to her i am hopeful again.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Hmm.. This is when I'm like i wish I hadn't. The one time that I actually did.

Oh well.

Untrustworthy? Yes.

Dinner? No. I am going to the supermarket at that remote time in the future.


Aaaaaaahhhhh!!. Manchi! call me.

Too-day, is gonna be the day...

I like this, because it feels like shouting into a canyon from a mountain.

I think i've decided. I will. Today.

Is this indicative of ADD?

Varun Muaddib: hmm
Varun Muaddib: i wanna learn japanese
serChaos4ever: lol
serChaos4ever: why the sudden urge?
Varun Muaddib: haha
Varun Muaddib: dunno
Varun Muaddib: listening to more japanese music
serChaos4ever: ahh, learn it w/ me - i've been wanting to learn for a few yrs now xP
serChaos4ever: lol icic
Varun Muaddib: haha
Varun Muaddib: i also want to learn guzheng
Varun Muaddib: and tap dancing
Varun Muaddib: and knife painting
Varun Muaddib: and sailing
Varun Muaddib: perhaps improve my chess and bridge
Varun Muaddib: practice tabla more often
Varun Muaddib: work out 1-2 hours a day
Varun Muaddib: read the Bhagavad Gita
Varun Muaddib: play more hockey and tennis and badminton and squash and ultimate
Varun Muaddib: learn jiujitsu
Varun Muaddib: get a temp tatoo
Varun Muaddib: .
Varun Muaddib: ok, im donme
Varun Muaddib: *done
Varun Muaddib: haha

I am mad. sigh. Lets hope i dont die soon.

Monday, September 17, 2007


I'm glad she had a good time.

I was standing at the window ledge on the 7th floor, drawing faces in my breath as it condensed on the cold window, when it occurred to me, I repeat myself, a fair bit. I need to read "On Synchronicity", by Jung. Is a disorder necessarily congenital?

Then i walked to the elevator passing Barsky's door. I stopped to read stuff on it. There was an article about tutoring disadvantaged students to help them get into college. It had three pictures with four people in them. 2 were black, one was hispanic, and the other was of ambiguous race. I didnt see anything disadvantageous about those people. I wondered what I considered a disadvantage, and who i might tutor. I said I would tutor children who lost their parents. Perhaps i think that my parents were my greatest advantage. Odd. Or even.

I don't feel sick anymore. But it still scours away in my head. Its so silly. I wish the glass on the window broke when i punched it. And my head hurts.

Sigh. Maybe my nephew will do better. I only have hope left for him.

Life sucks, so i'm back

Am i untrustworthy? I trust people a lot more than they trust me.

Monday, May 15, 2006

And in my darkest hour, I call out. Anybody. Somebody. Lift me up. Ares? I will sell my soul to rise from this mess

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Sigh.. what has happened to me. I have just wasted 2 years of my life

Thursday, March 23, 2006

23rd March 1.41 AM

I watched 15 a coupla hours ago. Second time. But this time it was the edited version; not nearly as much impact; as is to be expected i guess. Depressing in some way nonetheless. Just got me thinking, i'll be 20 soon, not a teenager anymore. What have I done that is noteworthy in twenty years? Not a pleasing answer there. Ok.. 61C hw submitted, off to CSUA office.. hopefully its open.. put in an hour of Burnout