Cracked
I meant to post on Thursday, but we were out late, and then Friday got busy since we had to get to LA. For the second time in my life that I can remember, I cracked. That I would crack again under emotional duress, I did not expect. I had not felt the strain even. I am having a wonderful summer, Berkeley is amazing in summer. Yet I am strangely dissatisfied. I feel like something is digging a hole in me, from inside out. I am just glad I had someone to talk to.
The day started out fine. I was looking forward to seeing Mel, she had flown in late on Wednesday. I went out with two pretty housemates to get one a camera. Then we went to SF for dinner with Alex. I met Mel at Union Square. It was wonderful meeting up with Mel, felt like I was in touch with all my hockey buddies. She had dinner plans though, and had other stuff to do the next day, and I had to go to LA. If we are lucky we might meet in a few years. So the 4 of us went to this Chinese restaurant for dinner, decent. We walked around SF for a bit and then headed back. When the girls were done redressing for Blake's, we knocked back a couple of glasses of soju and headed over on our bikes; 2 on each. Pretty crazy. Blakes was good, we were late though, and only clocked 45 minutes before they had to close. We came back and knocked back a few more shots of random spirits, floated for a bit and enjoyed the landing. Everyone drifted off to find a place to snuggle ( I do have a big place eh). I was in a living room as usual, havent come around to clearing my bed yet. One housemate got sexiled, so I had company in the living room.
It was just random conversation, guess she needed to get a few things of her chest. For some reason, it totally screwed me up. The last time I cracked, I could see the weakness. I didnt patch it over or repair it or fill it in. I built a whole new shell; taught myself never to be exposed. But now i don't know what has happened; new fissures, chinks in my armour, but i can't see them; some soul searching to do. I feel this lack of fulfillment brewing within me. I feel bad. I think she was trying to tell me something and I just unloaded on her instead. It was nice having someone to talk to though. You had my back. Thank you.
P.S. Oh, I've got your back too. Its your turn whenever you need to girl. You have an ear right here. Umm, two actually.
The day started out fine. I was looking forward to seeing Mel, she had flown in late on Wednesday. I went out with two pretty housemates to get one a camera. Then we went to SF for dinner with Alex. I met Mel at Union Square. It was wonderful meeting up with Mel, felt like I was in touch with all my hockey buddies. She had dinner plans though, and had other stuff to do the next day, and I had to go to LA. If we are lucky we might meet in a few years. So the 4 of us went to this Chinese restaurant for dinner, decent. We walked around SF for a bit and then headed back. When the girls were done redressing for Blake's, we knocked back a couple of glasses of soju and headed over on our bikes; 2 on each. Pretty crazy. Blakes was good, we were late though, and only clocked 45 minutes before they had to close. We came back and knocked back a few more shots of random spirits, floated for a bit and enjoyed the landing. Everyone drifted off to find a place to snuggle ( I do have a big place eh). I was in a living room as usual, havent come around to clearing my bed yet. One housemate got sexiled, so I had company in the living room.
It was just random conversation, guess she needed to get a few things of her chest. For some reason, it totally screwed me up. The last time I cracked, I could see the weakness. I didnt patch it over or repair it or fill it in. I built a whole new shell; taught myself never to be exposed. But now i don't know what has happened; new fissures, chinks in my armour, but i can't see them; some soul searching to do. I feel this lack of fulfillment brewing within me. I feel bad. I think she was trying to tell me something and I just unloaded on her instead. It was nice having someone to talk to though. You had my back. Thank you.
P.S. Oh, I've got your back too. Its your turn whenever you need to girl. You have an ear right here. Umm, two actually.
posted by Had Raven Aunt Van at 6:41 AM
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