Friends, Romans, Countrymen

Haha

2007-09-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, i totally get what alma said. Haha.. mmm mmm mmm. Sigh.

Sigh

2007-09-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

I want to not care.

but every time i talk to her i am hopeful again.

2007-09-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. This is when I'm like i wish I hadn't. The one time that I actually did.

Oh well.

Untrustworthy? Yes.

Dinner? No. I am going to the supermarket at that remote time in the future.

Bye.

Aaaaaaahhhhh!!. Manchi! call me.

Too-day, is gonna be the day...

2007-09-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

I like this, because it feels like shouting into a canyon from a mountain.

I think i've decided. I will. Today.

Is this indicative of ADD?

Varun Muaddib: hmm
Varun Muaddib: i wanna learn japanese
serChaos4ever: lol
serChaos4ever: why the sudden urge?
Varun Muaddib: haha
Varun Muaddib: dunno
Varun Muaddib: listening to more japanese music
serChaos4ever: ahh, learn it w/ me - i've been wanting to learn for a few yrs now xP
serChaos4ever: lol icic
Varun Muaddib: haha
Varun Muaddib: i also want to learn guzheng
Varun Muaddib: and tap dancing
Varun Muaddib: and knife painting
Varun Muaddib: and sailing
Varun Muaddib: perhaps improve my chess and bridge
Varun Muaddib: practice tabla more often
Varun Muaddib: work out 1-2 hours a day
Varun Muaddib: read the Bhagavad Gita
Varun Muaddib: play more hockey and tennis and badminton and squash and ultimate
Varun Muaddib: learn jiujitsu
Varun Muaddib: get a temp tatoo
Varun Muaddib: .
Varun Muaddib: ok, im donme
Varun Muaddib: *done
Varun Muaddib: haha

I am mad. sigh. Lets hope i dont die soon.

Deuce

2007-09-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

I'm glad she had a good time.

I was standing at the window ledge on the 7th floor, drawing faces in my breath as it condensed on the cold window, when it occurred to me, I repeat myself, a fair bit. I need to read "On Synchronicity", by Jung. Is a disorder necessarily congenital?

Then i walked to the elevator passing Barsky's door. I stopped to read stuff on it. There was an article about tutoring disadvantaged students to help them get into college. It had three pictures with four people in them. 2 were black, one was hispanic, and the other was of ambiguous race. I didnt see anything disadvantageous about those people. I wondered what I considered a disadvantage, and who i might tutor. I said I would tutor children who lost their parents. Perhaps i think that my parents were my greatest advantage. Odd. Or even.

I don't feel sick anymore. But it still scours away in my head. Its so silly. I wish the glass on the window broke when i punched it. And my head hurts.

Sigh. Maybe my nephew will do better. I only have hope left for him.

Life sucks, so i'm back

2007-09-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

Am i untrustworthy? I trust people a lot more than they trust me.

2006-05-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

And in my darkest hour, I call out. Anybody. Somebody. Lift me up. Ares? I will sell my soul to rise from this mess

2006-05-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

Sigh.. what has happened to me. I have just wasted 2 years of my life

23rd March 1.41 AM

2006-03-23T01:40:00.000-08:00

I watched 15 a coupla hours ago. Second time. But this time it was the edited version; not nearly as much impact; as is to be expected i guess. Depressing in some way nonetheless. Just got me thinking, i'll be 20 soon, not a teenager anymore. What have I done that is noteworthy in twenty years? Not a pleasing answer there. Ok.. 61C hw submitted, off to CSUA office.. hopefully its open.. put in an hour of Burnout

Ahh... Childhood.. that beautiful time

2006-03-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

Im watching tv with andrew... VH1 top 20 videos just ended.. anyway... a few golden words from the tele.. " Childhood flies away like cookies from a plate, " haha... OMG.. that was a horrible line.. the lot of us in this house have a thing for adds, and god.. that one was up there.. haa.. maybe i should post oon our favourite and most hated adds...

Remember Remember

2006-03-19T00:56:00.000-08:00

Remember, remember, the fifth of November, gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent to blow up the King and the Parliament. Three score barrels of powder below, Poor old England to overthrow: By God's providence he was catch'd With a dark lantern and burning match. Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring. Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King! Hip hip hoorah! A penny loaf to feed the Pope. A farthing o' cheese to choke him. A pint of beer to rinse it down. A faggot of sticks to burn him. Burn him in a tub of tar. Burn him like a blazing star. Burn his body from his head. Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead. Hip hip hoorah! Hip hip hoorah!

Full rhyme from which first two lines are quoted by V. I watched the opening matinee on friday. It was wonderful. I read the comic last night. I somehow find the movie more nuanced than the comic in many ways. Ah.. Hugo Weaving was amazing.. I suppose a lot of credit must go to the screen writer too.. all the characters were so... umm ... lush. V had so much depth as a character. And then you come to the issues the movie deals with; Censorship, biological weapons, state controlled media, hypocrissy in organised religion, terrorism, its glorification, Islamophobia, homophobia. Im the autocratic, fascist, neo-con in the house, in stark contrast to Jaime and Andrew's generally more socialist ideas, and oft at odds with Ernest's quasi-bougie doctrine. We've gone over most of that so the movie offered no new fodder really, except we wondered what reaction if any, the Muslim world will have to the Islamophobia depicted in the movie. Will they blindly condemn the movie for it; will they recognise that it chastises that Islamophobia; will it recieve much viewership in the Dar al-Islam. I dont now. We shall see.

I watched Highlander on saturday morning. Queen was good, better than i thought they were. I guess they were that big for a reason. But then there are others who seem to be big for no reason; Bon Jovi, excellent case in point. He seems to have cemented his superstar standing despite the fact that most of his music sounds much the same, though ill admit I liked one or two of his earlier songs. Oddly, though one might level the same accusation upon Coldplay, I feel no such antagonism toward them. Maybe in 5 years.

Anyway, I got scolded by this guy yesterday for voicing my opinion that the Ali G Show is funny. He felt it was racist against black people. This was while playing ultimate last night. Later I made some comment about Katamari being a gay game and generally expressed the opinion that it was shitty. He looked at me all weird. I guess he mighta been black. Possibly gay. But come on.. whos seen the game. Katamari Daimasu is gay. So shoot me for saying that. Ideas are bulletproof.

Sigh.. of relief now..

2006-03-16T01:14:00.000-08:00

I watched Jet Li kick some ass, save Chinese women from foreign prostitution and earn the love of Aunt 13 last night. Ah.. the wonders of a Wong Fei Hung movie. Feels good to be unburdened, if only for a few days. Went shopping last night, sweet onion chips, ice-cream, apple pie, strawberries, milk - i think i need some calcium; i just realised i havent had any substantial dairy products for like 2 weeks - tofu, riceroni, coco puffs. Im eating some ice-cream now, watching History of Violence. Ok. It just ended. Hmm... I dont know yet what to think of it. Parts of the movie seem irrelevant to the rest of it. Connecting unseen dots in my head, lets go to something Leng said in a conversation he had with Matthew, Susan, and myself. Since I havent updated everyone on stuff in my recent life..

Characters

Matthew : Phd student under whom im working on a research project; immensely interesting to talk to, wealth of knowledge and opinions.

Susan : My research partner, known her for a while, was Rika's suitmate

Leng : Matthew's long time acquaintance, and main man at SEALNET (more about that later)

Topic of Conversation : Problems with using video games / games in general to teach various concepts

So Matthew is explaining to Leng the issues we faced in designing games to teach english in an immersive manner. Leng mentions hurdles in using games to demonstrate ideas to people that SEALNET projects work with. He says games tend to press toward a win-lose conclusion and finds it very hard to embedd the notion of win-win closure in a game. It occured to me then, that the reason we were using games was their enomous advantage in appeal to young people over traditional means of communicating these ideas. Why do games hold so much greater appeal? It is not just because someone can win. It is because for someone to win, somone else must lose. Think back on all those gay (Im not big on PC) games that they made you play at various orientations and whatnot in which 'everyone wins' . Those were the silliest games ever. I believe people enjoy games not just because they can win, and they like this, but because they can win, while others can lose, and the winner dominates the loser. I feel every human being feels some gratuity from dominating another. This is why u get bored of stupid pinball games after a while (except for those idiots who compare high scores), but you can play a versus fighter against someone everyday. Sad as it may seem, we derive some pleasure (some derive great pleasure), from having someone grovel beneath you. Win-win games, are quite simply, ungamely.

Beauty

2006-03-10T02:05:00.000-08:00

I just watched Hero again. I teared a little at the end. I dont understand why my housemates cannot see the beauty of this movie. An emperor who braves the burden and blame that history will cause him to bear to realise his vision of greatness for his country. Two who stand up to him and put their lives in the hands of another to realise their quest to kill him. A servant who would die for her master. A swordsman who would hear his true calling when the fruit of ten years labour was in the palm of his hands, and let it go. A warrior who sees another's vision and past his percieved tyranny, extinguishing his desire for revenge with a dream for his country. And the same warrior laying down his blade to die on his beloved's, to win her heart again. I feel the pain and sorrow and hope that these people feel. The movie somehow feels static, like it could be painted in its entirety into a single picture. What I would give to die like that..

Aaah.. and people say growing up in Singapore makes you a cynic. Welcome to America. Or maybe its just me. I'm such a sensitive child. haha.

Next coupla weeks should be a little less hectic, especially once i turn in the next 61C project on wednesday; can focus on my Mayan Calendrics paper. That sould put me through some interesting reads. Hopefully I can fill in the past two months stuff here in this time. There was so much to say, I just somehow never got past thinking about it.

Somebody recommend me a tagboard. Its just not working with me and boards.. they randomly delete stuff, disappear, expire.... generally just being a struggle.

Cache Overflow

2006-01-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

Even though stuffs been going on, I havent come around to posting about them for a while now.. I even wrote on post it, to remember what i wanted to blog about.. haha. Therefore at various points in time today, I shall work on this backdated blogging.. Ok.. im going to shower now; sigh... its 4C outside, and weather.com says it feels like 1C. The water heater better be working.

Traipsing Around Singapore

2006-01-07T22:16:00.000-08:00

My sis came back from India on thursday morning. And my whole family decided to go to Genting. We keft at 10 and went to the second link. I have Indian passport, so I have to apply for a visa at the malaysian side, whic they normaly give in like 10 minutes or something, just a bit of paper pushing. But the idiot sitting at the desk wanted to see my ticket from Singapore to San Francisco, which I obviously did'nt have at with me. After a couple of minutes of stonewalling all our explanation that I was driving back to Singapore, and did not have a return air ticket, the rude bitch said, "This is Malaysia. Do what I say or go back." My dad got super pissed, but we went back to the car and drove back without saying anything. Im going to write to the ST Forum some time this week. Haha.. so we went shopping, and my mom bought a Fujitsu tablet. And, I finally watched Harry Potter; it was ok.. not great, but watchable.

Friday.. Disaster! My parents had been going on and on about my hair ever since I got back, and I couldnt stall anymore...haha. So... now my long hair grown with plenty of tlc over the last six months have been shorn. I have crappy short hair.. its still longer than it was in JC and RI. Later that day we went to watch Narnia... horrible boring long yawn. It was like some hallmark kids LOTR.. where the swords dont have blood on them after they decapitate someone. Waste of money, waste of time. Oh I went to RJ in the morning.. didnt really meet any teachers except Mr Tan... who looks much the same. And this funky teacher whom I never knew before.. Mr Chua i think; he taught Hanyan. Must go again.. next week.

Saturday. Poker! Went to Andrew's house to play Hold'em. Had a horrible run of hands and was decimated to about $1.50 from my $20 buyin. Then with great nuance and shenaniganously aggressive betting I rebuilt my stack to resemble Petronas towers.. sigh.. but some horrible river bad beats reduced me to HDB block size.. I still ended with + 1.75, sigh... but wat could have been... Must have another session before I leave. Better practice a bit on party poker. Im gonna take all their money!

I am going to start reading all my texts for next semester. I will be prepared. This coming semester, GPA... I SHALL THUNDERPUNCH YOU IN THE CUNT... WAHAHAHA!

My tagboard managed to erase itself... wat crap.
My damn tagboard managed to erase itself somehow.... wat crap.

Sabrina >> as one of my most regular readers, I shall dedicate an entire paragraph to you
: Eh.. u ran away so fast, not my fault.. its flying back to Cal with me.. and where is MY stuff? haha.. can u find me the palace guard uniform for my next haloween costume.. Anyway.. i must emphasise.. IDIOT.. i chop a date with u one month in advance and u still flew back without meeting up with me... and dadre to ask for present some more.. gimme ud address and i mail to you maybe.. haha.. or i give u next christmas.. hopefully it'll still fit you... if ur harem in b'ham doesnt fatten u up with all the food they will feed you by next christmas.. haha.

This Is Home, Truly

2006-01-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

Ah.. I have returned. It has been a while since I lst posted, but in mitigation, I have been busy; came home for winter, been meeting old friends, going out with parents - haha, etc etc.
First issue - My hand looks like it will be okay again, yay! Looks like i won't lose any subtension and both my radius and ulna can turn fully. Bonus - haha.. I am now boinic. Muahahahah. I am no more merely any organic being. I am a titanium substituted higher organic being, wahahaha. Stand in my way and I will lay the smackdown on you jabronis with my people's titanium elbow. Okay the titanium is only in my forearm.. but still.. haha.. i had to work people's elbow in somewhere.

On to more significant things - I officially declare the semester past a disaster. Having contemplated and meditated on this issue - a small part of my 20 hour journey home - i have decided that my 18 years preceding college were too easy. I never really worked for anything i got. This has to change, now that I find myself not good enough. Sigh, I now feel really bad for nottobenamed people I used to laugh at for studying endlessly. So far, whenever I've slacked, its because I have this supreme belief that I will come good in the end, that I will somehow find a way to make it work, that I will not fail, because I cannot afford to. I do not slack because I am without care. It hurts when people say I don't care, that I don't give a shit what happens, that i am somehow unburdened by many of the expectations that weigh on them. My roommate told me one time, totally out of the blue, "I wish I could be like you, not have to worry about anything, and just do whatever I feel like doing" I didnt know what to say. That should have awakened me, but i drifted along and this semester has scuttled me on a sandbar. Anyway, no more shall be said of this semester. "Why do we fall down, Varun?" "So we can learn to pick ourselves up".

It was wonderful to see everyone at Mel's house on New Year's Eve. Very nice of mel to have all of us there. Such a pity that I see so little of all these people, Asrie, Hamid, Jerome, Jlo, Mel and some of the others whom I used to see everyday. Was also really nice meeting up with the old classmates... must procure the pictures soon to put here.. haha.. i havent put any up have I....
Oh.. and my three brilliant ideas.. ah.. im too bored to write about them now... some other time.. haha.

Anyways.. who is siti.. and sundar.. I shall not do that know thyself thingy u put on your website.. too scandalous.. haha.. dangerous might I add.

Oh Crap

2005-12-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Damnit. After a very verry long time, im actually scared to go to an examination. I think im going to fail EE105. Maybe its better that way. Then i can take it next sem and get a decent grade at least. I have that familiar feeling again, when im hanging, this far from the shit -- , and i can smell it already. But unlike all those other times when i climbed out of it, this time, there is no escape. But i must try nonetheless, struggle in vain, put up a show for someone up there to enjoy, before succumbing to the inevitable. Hence i soldier on. I guess the difference is in my heart ive already given up... i know it but somehow cannot overcome it. Tellingly, what comes to mind now is the first stanza of one of Wilfred Owen's works... The whole piece, below.

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! - An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, -
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Sigh..

2005-12-19T14:20:00.000-08:00

Aaaaaaahhhhhh... I cant seem to remember anything i studied last night... One more final... im living in Cory now... moved here for 2 days... noone in my house anyway... only the tv for company... 25 hours before end of finals.... sigh... back to studying.

Eye of the Storm

2005-12-16T03:26:00.000-08:00

Two finals done, two more to go. Cant get the damn Picassa to work.. can someone teach me to use that damn thing or Hello to put my pics on my blog? Its just too troublesome to create a post of all the pics.. i need to make one of those collages which expand into the individual photos wen you click on them. Im going home soon ... woohoo.. business class on 25th... my mama moved me to business class cos of my broken hand muahahahaha... I must start blogging my genius so it doesnt waste away.... haha.. ive had 3 brilliant ideas this week. Il write about them after finals.

I Blame You!

2005-11-30T15:24:00.000-08:00

I have the pictures from my thanksgiving trip to Tahoe. Very postcardesque. Must congradulate my skills in subject composition.. haha.. well at least one was really really nice.. next time i shall bring more film and not fall victim to such crappy constraints. Or have a digtal camera by then. Barring sustained bouts of poverty.

Anyway back to the real issue. Why did my arm break. Someone transmitted their suayness to me. A run through all possibilities.

Reina's Birthday - Grr!, hmm, possible cosmic clash
Sabrina - Just finished chatting with her
Honghow - Was ferrying his truffles
Jiawei - Carrying CDs to pass to him
Chengsi/Jianyuan - Going to their house
Theo - Passed by his house

All these evil people, I shall dedicate a song to you, by my favourite rapper Tai Mai Shu.

Jack, yee , som
Microphone testing One, two, three
In the place to be
Wassup everybody my name is Tai Mai Shu
And I am going to rapping for you today
Just a little freestyle
But first and for most I would like to thanking
Woadie style, the uncompare, for getting my belt back
And promotion my skills
And in return, I would teach them how to make One Million dollars,
Wow, and when you here you'll be like "Wow, I don't believe"
So simple, no skill involved at all, I could have thought that myself
But you say what, what the hell! I don't believe
Check it out tho
I was cruizing down the street in my impalla
They ask me who the girl I said
That's just my baby ma
I don't give a fuck about the hoe
I sock that bitch in the jaw
Cuz I spy put the nails in after I was suposed to die
Music, give me the dvd's, Break into your houses, steal all of ur keys.
Get your daddy in the peepee. Yeah and u can see see
I run around the corner and laughing hehe hehe
Get your mom in a headlock or a full nelson
Then I let your nigger watch Chinese food and wilson
Then I rape his mama cuz i'm too sexy
Ishan shuka dundooah shit
Back in my apalla sick as '82
Saw my friend young, His first name is eggfoo
Alot of people don't like me but I don't a fuck
Cuz i stole your T.V, an it's in my chewy gum bunker

I wish today was sunday so I could get a cheeseburger for
39 cent at McDonald, Baby!
And I wish it was it was Wednesday so I could get a hamburger for
29 cent at McDonalds, Baby!

I was talkin to this girl (girl)
She said she want my dick, I looking at her eyeball and say u full of bull shit
Then she look at me and she say Fuck you,  I say no's way I have to go to skool

Im an active Chinese boy,(boy) I have a lot to talk about
Try to argue wime I say Get the hell outa o ha oh
I like the Old skool(skool) I like the New skool(skool)
My girlfriend like my name(name) Neha Tai Mai Shu
Let me take a look I like to injure u
What the hell I was bout to say Bok. bok, bok
I take my skills seirous and no it's not for fun
I like to eat Chow fun and how to eat Won ton
Chinese student go to skool, Early in the morning
And I like to play kickball inside the skoolyard
Chinese student do homework and they study real hard
I walk by these good-looking girl
They say you smell like moth balls, balls, balls
(Talkin)
Wow, you do fight good
Yeah wutever dude
Just give me free kMarlbol light
I wish today was sunday so I could get a cheeseburger for
39 cent at McDonalds Babe
And I wish it was it was Wednesday so I could get an hamburger for
29 cent at McDonalds Babe
All my real live Chinese people throw your hand up, throw your hand up, just throw your hand up
All my real live Chinese people throw your hand up, throw your hand up, just throw your hand up
Hong Kong Peopo, throw your hand up, throw dos hand up, just throw your hand up
Chinese peopo, Japanese people... every peopo... throw your hand up!
Re wiya! I am a warrior!

We blasted on them!
I got four fos so you kids don't going
I am real hard!

Peace outside!

Damn you. You know what I'm saying

Haha.. Download it here: http://www.baduya.com/funny_downloads.htm

Anyway.. mystery for all u med students.. I shall post my Xray tomorrow.. haha.. lets see how much you have learnt.. quiz coming up.

As OCS proclaims, I am always me

2005-11-27T22:56:00.000-08:00

I have outdone myself again. Broken medial radius. Sigh. And almost hypothermiated walking back from the stupid hospital in Ashby. Idiots took 4 hours to discover that i had a broken arm and splint it. And I still have to see an ortho tomorrow. So wat did they do? Nothing. What did they find out? That an arm ( which has a 30 degree fold in it) is broken. And did i mention that the hospital sucked. I need to scream at someone but cant think of anyone who wouldnt mind listening. KNNBCCB. !@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!?. Oh OCS is not officer cadet school.

No Respite

2005-11-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

I just got back from safeway, well stocked for the next 2 days, one 4 pack of mountain dew amp, a bottle of nodoz. I anticipate taking perhaps 8 over the next 2 days. Hopefully they will still be effective in future. This is ridiculous. Deadlines over the next few days: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday; lab report, lab report; 105 problem set, 61A midterm; 105 midterm; 20 Problem Set, 20 lab report. I just have to get through this and then a week of relative rest. Only the normal load of one report each for 20 and 105, and one problem set for each too. Assuming no econ problem set is assigned. Sigh, then I can go watch the stanford game in peace. Then Tahoe... OH PLEASE LET ME JUST NOT HAVE TO JUMP OF EVANS BEFORE THANKSGIVING SO I CAN MAYBE LEARN TO SNOWBOARD.

Into the Valley of Death

2005-11-14T11:46:00.000-08:00

Tupac said "Wars come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal".
Anyway... this week is going to suck. Cannons to the left of me, Cannons to the right of me, Cannons in front of me, As into the the Valley of Death charges Varun. Ah.. at least on thursday I'll have some good food to look forward to, Eid-Diwali dinner. On that note, last night was quite possibly among the best meals I've ever cooked, peas and 'paneer' pulao, with almonds and raisins, lijjat paapad, boondi raita. No more throughouttheterms after this week. Last one on thursday.. woohoo!! Also.. all those ppl with whom i did crazy dramas back in RI and RJ.. we were geniuses.. you should see the crap that some of these people come up with.... haha

Woo hoo!!

2005-11-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

I am in an insanely good mood.... wahahahha... did decently on the econ midterm. I think its because i was watching Emeril.. Emeril always makes me feel good.... hmm.. I want a show on food network too. One day.... Tomorrow is a holiday! Veteran's Day... all those dead soldiers... thank you thank you.... And still they keep dying... Im thinking of this line in a rap by Tupac about soldiers... cant seem to remember.. il put it up next time... Alfred, Lord Tennyson will have to do for now... " Their's not to make reply, Their's not to reason why, Their's but to do and die"

Anyway, I want to go to Yosemite. I am thinking, probably the week I have between end of finals and when i fly home. I'm going anyway, whether people join me or not. I might cycle up if its just me.. hmm... should be fun.. gotta find gear though, a little too cold to rely on my trusty adipose tissue.

I go on Rambling

2005-11-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

I ended the last post because I had to go pee. Ok... I love my floor... Next topic...yes ... Ive been going insane... Ive 'discovered' so much music of late.. haha.. im currently listening to Chinese Rapper's Delight by Tai Mai Shu..... wahhaha... hilarious. .. " I wish today was sunday, so I could buy a cheeseburer, at McDonald's, for 29 cents, maybe. " And some deeper stuff... I had all these lyrics in my head from movie soundtracks... from movies that I like.... I remembered this and managed to find it... Mad World by Gary Jules, in Donnie Darko.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

I wonder if im violating copywright laws by posting that here.... should check... I doubt Ill get busted for it even if I was in violation, but just out of academic interest...should check anyway. Its something all of us should be clear about but most of us find very murky i think.... this issue of copywright... wait, am I spelling that right?.... hmm... at least thats the impression I get. Now im listening to this very funky techno Wong Fei Hong... haha... Jane thinks I have horrible taste in music... actually shes just the latest person to make that known to me... I guess I listen to too great a variety for any many people to think I have good taste...haha... WTH... at least everyone can enjoy something from my playlist. Mildly fascist German band singing about their desire for large animals, John Williams movie scores, Tamil Movie songs, Michael Jackson, Tupac, Yanni, Zakir Hussain, T N Seshagopalan, Techno, Club Beats, random spoofs, computer game soundtracks.... haha

I am feeling very jaded somehow. I am drifting, journeying without a destination. Just watched Matrix Reloaded a little while back. Must think about some stuff that was said... Ah.. too much blogging for one night... I think the nodoz is keeping me amped. Should take a look at news... lot of shit going on... riots in Paris... I meant to post about some news from last week... especially regarding the death sentence meted out to a Vietnamese drug trafficker carrying into Singapore from Australia. Sigh ... no time.. later maybe.

Submission, and other Random Ramblings

2005-11-07T04:10:00.000-08:00

This past weekend has quite possibly been the worst ive had in a long time. Its 4 am right now on monday morning. Let me begin by listing the positives as they stand right now.

I just completed my project. Woohoo
I am awake (am I?)
I am alive (I think I am)

And on the flipside of the coin, (shouldnt both sides be of the same size?)

I dont know if the damn project works
I am in an underground dungeon
The damn policeman better catch the thief (otherwise my world is gonna be crime-infested)
My project partner in all likelihood is freaking out right now
I must have wakened the ghosts in soda
My diet of the last 10 hours consists of a power bar (stolen from ernest's bag when he was sleeping, hmm... il buy him another.... i thought it might help keep me awake)
One nodoz pill courtesy of jaime
One can of monster regular
One can of monster assault
Some pringles
I just got electrocuted when i plugged my notebook power into the lab switchboard
The milk I drank yesterday was expired i think

I am mildly delirious now I think. I still have so much shit due this week, and an econ midterm on thursday. I havent blogged in a while because I kinda got bored of it. Yet somehow, whenever deadlines are approaching I get this avalanche of bloggable thoughts and feelings that I somehow dont feel I can replicate at a later time.

I think I have changed immensely over the last two years. Something in me has died; a flame has been extinguished (smothered?). I first realised this over summer i think, but I was too caught up just trying to combat the weirdness to actually think rationally about it. I am just starting to think it through now... Some of it I like, some I dont.

Manchester United just beat Chelsea 1-0 this morning. Glory Glory Man United!! Inida lost to Sri Lanka but a decent performance nonetheless. Sigh... Cal Football... Bears lost to Ducks.... An okay week on that front.

So many people Ive been talking to over the last couple of months (more perhaps), have espoused at great length that their experience todate of college life in US has been unsatisfactory, falling shy of their expectations particularly in the manner of their social interactions. Initially this surprised me, since I had such a wonderful time when I first came here, but gradually it occured to me how fortunate I have been i that sense, and I cultivated a greater appreciation for my floormates from my freshman year. They put up with all my crazy questions like why no team was fielding two quarterbacks at once and why pitchers dont just hit batters more often; and less crazy but more pointed ones regarding various aspects of life here that were so foreign to me having come from Singapore. Haha... I have been labeled hardline conservative and racist, also crazy and dictatorial. And there were all those amusing instances of non-intersecting vocabulary sets. Haha... last week I asked Andrew for a torch so I could read the switch markings on the ELCB when our house power got tripped. He looked at me weirdly and picked up a lighter....Wahahaha... Interpreter Ernest " Flashlight? ". I still remember way back in my first month here, I was walking to the tennis court with Steve and Ernest, and he asked me about some class I wass taking. " Its mildly taxing"... Steve " Woah, taxing, thats the first time I heard that from someone not learing SAT wordlist"...haha. And all those long discussions with Jaime about the religion, politics, history and culture. Trying to draw Adriel into some sort of contradiciton about the bible. Playing Tekken and Burnout on Patrick and Justin's PS2s. And comparing minorities with Ernest. Realising that Korean and Tamil are weirdly similar. Looking at the sunset from Michelle/Megha/Erin's room. Arguing with Megha about the stupidest stuff. Sparring with Alex. Ah... I dont suppose any of them read my blog... I can so see it ... haha Jaime "Reading blogs? Gay. Daamn Varun.... you read blogs.... waaat? ... u have a blog.... daaamn ... your gay" Ah... that reminds.... haha... the insane homophobia of my floor... its almost funny.... except a little tragic I guess... in light of my notion that one of the greates lessons I have learned here is not to judge. Anyway... I dont think any of them are likely to read this... but for what its worth... I love you guys. I may not have spent as much time with some of you as I would have liked, but you made my life here better nonetheless. Adriel, Patrick, Jaime, Ernest, Erin, Megha, Michelle, Su, Jane, Jordana, Hillary, Andew, Vivek, Chris, Sam, Alex, Ziv, Connie, the polo girls, Alex and Keiko, Steve, Salman, Tristan, Susan, Lisa, and Fannie.... there... I dont think I missed anyone. I had the most wonderful floor ever.

Me and My Life

2005-10-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

The damn hello wont verify my email... so i cant post pictures yet.... but i will fix it soon. Anyway... since caixia asked ... i shall post about my life... its not that crazily happening.... and well the parts of it that are... ehem ehem... arent safe on the WWW.

Anyway... CAL won!!! GO BEARS... sigh... this season is sucking... after we lost to UCLA and OSU... games we shoulda won.... Bruins upstage Bears... (bruins are bear cubs. .. i think), Bears ravaged by Beavers, Beavers deny Bears penetration, Bear QB Ayoob unable to go deep into Beaver territory.....sigh. Doesnt help that our mascot is useless.... Oski... all he does is take pictures with children and walk around with his hands behind his back.... as Andrew put it.... why would anyone want a geriatric bear for a mascot?

I got a free copy of the New Testament and im reading it right now. A number of passages are very interesting... now i have more questions to drill Adriel with. Adriel was my roommate last year and our resident Christian. For a long time i have wanted to read the Srimat Bhagavad Gita in its entireity, but somehow havent come around to it. I in fact have two copies of it.Hmm... tag that==> Summer project. Ever since i went to JC, I havent read as much as I would have liked to. There are so many things that i marked out to read and never got to.

I think this has contributed to my increased feeling of stupidity, or rather my diminished feeling of intelligence in the last year or so. Lack of reading, or writing on stuff that i find intellectually stimulating. Thankfully I have plenty of people to argue and discuss with so... at least verbally my mind takes a jog everyday. But in that respect, I miss Megha... haha... it was good fun, my most accomplished sparring partner. I have decided that at some point in the future I must write about three things, the Iranian Revolution, the different paths that British Colonies have taken, specifically the difference between those which have become almost antirely caucasoid inhabited, and those which remain populated by their indegenous peoples., and one more I have forgotten. Haha... my head has holes. Thoughts leak.

Anyway, time for brunch... shouldnt eat too much though; Iron Chef Jane is coming later to cook, muhahahah... she better not burn down my kitchen, and the food better be good.

Thai Mozhiye, Pon Mozhiye

2005-10-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Thamizhil paesiyo, ezhuthiyo romba naatgal aagi vittana. Sameebaththil, nanban oruvanin inaiya pakkaththai padithukkondirunthapozhuthu, avan vivariththapadi, naanum en nanbargalai paarka aenginaen. Sila naeram yosiththa piragu, enna thondriyathendral, thamizhil paesa aenginaen. Pala varudangalukku mun, nan uyarnilai palliyil padiththukkondiruntha pozhuthu, samooga periyavar oruvar nigazhchi ondril paesa vandhirundhaar. Avarum saga thamizhar thaan. Appozhuthu maedaiyil nindru, "Please excuse me, I have forgotten how to speak tamil, I never really learned it in school" endru solla, naanum sila nanbargalum sirigga, en kankalil thiru manikkamin mugam pattathu. Vedhanai Avamaanam Vetkam. Antha gathi endrum ethirgaalathil enakku vanthuvidakkoogathu, vara mudiyaathu, vara vidamattaen. Aerkanave, en thamizhil, ottaigal thondrivittana. Muthal vari ezhuthikondiruntha pozhuthu, internettai thamizhil inaiyam enbom endru niyabagathukku kondu vara pala nimidangal kadanthana. Intha variyil, lineai vari enbom enbathu thondra meendum sila nimidangal kadanthana. Aanamoththathil, en thamizh valarchi nindruvittathu, thamizh payirchi thaazhnthuvittathu, aanaal thamizh paasum, kolirnthuvittu erigirathu. Ini, thodarnthu intha inaiya pakkathtil thamizhil ezhuthuvaen. Vazhi irukkum, thamizh ezhuthugalileye intha varthaigalai ezhutha, athaiyum koodiya seekkirathil sari saithu viduvaen.

Shaven not Shorn

2005-10-16T23:37:00.000-07:00

I no longer look like Osama bin Laden's leige, Al Qaeda's Berkeley Branch Manager. In fact, I lookly mildly feminine shaven....weird. But, I shall not cut my hair for some time yet. I have been busy this weekend.. so no time for a long intelligent post. Here is some insight into my personality courtesy of www.quizbox.com.

Your Working Style

You are friendly, adaptable and a realist. You rely on what you see, hear, and know first-hand. You good-naturedly accept and use the facts around you. You look for a satisfying solution instead of trying to impose any "should" or "must" of your own. You are sure a satisfying solution will turn up once you have grasped all the facts.

You solve problems by being adaptable, and often can get other to adapt, too. People generally like you well enough to consider any compromise you suggest. You are unprejudiced open-minded, and tolerant of most everyone-- including yourself. You take things as they are and thus may be very good at easing a tense situation and pulling conflicting factions together.

You are actively curious about objects, scenery, activities, food, people, or anything new presented to your senses. Your expert abilities in using your senses may show in:

* a continuous ability to see the need of the moment and turn easily to meet it
* the ability to absorb, apply and remember great numbers of facts
* an artistic taste and judgement
* the handling of tools and materials

With your focus on the current situation and realistic acceptance of what exists, you can be gifted problem solvers. Because you are not necessarily bound by a need to follow standard procedures or preferred methods, you are often able to see ways of achieving a goal by "using" the existing rules, systems, or circumstances in new ways, rather than allowing them to be roadblocks.

You make your decisions by using the logical analysis of thinking rather than the more personal values of feeling. Your thinking enables you to crack down when the situation calls for toughness, and also helps you grasp underlying principles. You learn more effective in actual situations than on written tests. Abstract ideas and theories are not likely to be trusted by you until you have been tested in experience. You may have to work harder than other people to achieve in school, but can do so when you see the relevance.

You do best in careers needing realism, action, and adaptability. Examples are engineering, police work, credit investigation, marketing, health technologies, construction, production, recreation, food services, and many kinds of troubleshooting.

You are strong in the art of living. You get a lot of fun out of life, which makes you good company. You enjoy your material possessions and take the time to acquire you. You find much enjoyment in good food, clothes, music, and art. You enjoy physical exercise and sports, and usually are good at these.

How effective you are depends on how much judgment you acquire. You may need to develop your feeling so that they can use your values to provide standards for your behavior, and direction and purpose in your lives. If your judgment is not developed enough to give you any character or stick-to-it-iveness, you are in danger of adapting mainly to your own love of a good time.

The House

Here is the analysis:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person.

You are talkative and sociable. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. You often come up with solutions to problems. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You always have plans on your mind. This might cause a lot of stress if things don't go the way you expect. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You are not a romantic person by nature. We also see that you are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You don't think much about yourself.

How do you eat fried eggs?

Here is the analysis:
You are logical, smart and inventive. It's okay for you to make people think that you are a little self-centered. You just focus on what you're doing.

Toilet Test

Here is the analysis:
Quiet and pensive, trying to get everything perfect will slow you down, frustrate your co-workers, and cause you to miss good opportunities.

What Would You Do?

Do you have a chance with the one you love?
You have no confidence. You try to take chances but always miss them since you are too scared to really jump in and try.

In any case, if you don't make any efforts to meet people, no relationship is going to get started.

The Eating Test

Here is the analysis:
You are generally a calm person. You get excited when your favorite band is in town, when you are going on a date with your partner or when you and your friends are dancing. Your friends mean everything to you. You hate it when the summer is over.

You like art, and some poetry. You can throw a party, or help a friend put one together. You usually have no trouble finding dates, but you occasionally hit a dry spell. You like the outdoors, usually, and rainy weather doesn't bother you. You sometimes get jealous of people who are smarter or better looking than you, but you wouldn't hold it against them if you got to know them. You are on good terms with your parents, even though they annoy you once in a while. People tend to think you are reliable and trustworthy. You like animals.

What's in the picture?

Here is the analysis:

1. The most important thing in your life is money.
2. The type of friends that you want is strong and active.

Fountain of Emotion

The drawing of water springing out of the fountain tells something about emotions.
You are very feminine. Although you are very shy at times, you are strong and sometimes stubborn. It is always nice to hug you. You are rarely away from your sweetheart.

Muahahahaha... I decieded to put this up to let my new and expanding readership learn about me.... hahaha. Contradictions aside, those who do know me ... well u can have good laugh at the crappiness of these analyses.

Next topic... Should i get a tagboard... i was not entirely convinced that people actually visited my blog, so i put a counter... and woohoo... people do visit. =( but noone leaves comments.... i only get the crappy ads about self improvement and loans and other shit. Sigh... no more time... more intelligent fare some other time.

Monster Assault

2005-10-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is the ambrosia that keeps me floating on the surface of the deep ocean that is sleep. Monster Assault : " L - Carantine + Taurine + Ginseng + B Vitamins". I should put up a picture of the can...haha ... its seriously scary. Like some weird potion, but hell, i works. EE105 tomorrow... so much reading and notes to cover... and then questions to practice....sigh. Was nice seeing Yanling again. OH...Im wearing the purdue T-shirt now... I love it!!... thanx. Contemplating growing a beard... actually been contemplating for a coupla weeks now. So while ive been contemplating, my beard has grown. I think its at its longest ever.

Anyway, heres a link to something about the real desert fox.... Erwin Rommel... I hope you people recognise the name. http://www.achtungpanzer.com/gen1.htm

Been blogsurfing a lot lately. Never thought i would enjoy it quite as much as i do. Found Sunder's blog... muahahahahaha.... also read some other random ppls blogs.... very interesting.... i found it weird that the happiness in those ppls lives induced some in mine... if only momentarily. Perhaps im a nice guy after all... or maybe its in all of us... feeling good about someone elses happiness.

Anyway....my latest huge foolishness. So I checked bspace for the EE20 MT1 results, there was a column labeled Points, and next to midterm one it said.... 150!!! I felt so good...haha. I did my whole victory routine.... the evil Omakuchi laugh .... Muhahahahaha.... and then the ' Im a baaaaaad man.' and then I played Kurt Angles entrance theme and strutted around the living room. Then I went back to see the other homework scores.... and i realised..... that was the allocated points. There was another column Score with no entry in it....sigh. Luckily i didnt change my MSN nic into some huge gloat... haha. Il get my score back on friday.

Maybe this weekend il make an extra long post about all the other blogs ive been reading and the interesting things i found on them.... I dont suppose my friends would object to any of the stuff I think i might repost from their blogs... nothing about anybody and stuff like that... things less significant, but perhaps more beautiful.

Sunday Slackness

2005-10-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

Sigh, at least i didn't get some pathetic animal likeness like rabbit or guniea pig, or something stupid like warthog or dugong or armadillo. I think I am like a desert fox, haha. Go guess why, maybe something to do with war history....

Anyway, next week is crunchtime. I have to be low and have broad base, else as Balbir always used to say, "Bledy clowns, getting knocked over like papayas". I have boosted my ego sufficiently playing Kurt Angle and Rock music.... hmm better download John Cena's also. Oh... Damn... I have to clean the kitchen.... its a mess after yesterday's fiasco. Food was disappointing. My food always tasted better than that. Haha... Ernest spent ages cleaning it for... better not screw it up so soon. Hmm ... one of these days I must put up some pictures and introduce the cool ppl i live with. I am so not a photo person... too lazy to cary camera around.

I must also figure out how to play music when people visit my blog.... must find some cool theme music for myself. Maybe use Cena's? ... but how unoriginal. Ah.... shall think about it after next week... Cleaning and then lab for the rest of today.

Pony? Almost a Parakeet?.... Rubbish

2005-10-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, full of strength and majesty.

You were almost a: Parakeet or a Duck
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a Groundhog The Cute Animals Quiz

Nabei, I tried to adjust here adjust there also keep kenaing pony. IM NOT PONYISH... this quiz is a failure. I was born in year of tiger and im Aries.... how can that make me anywhere near equine... or even duckish for that matter. Hehe... I will crack the quiz and discover a winning combo for a better animal. Bah ... who wants to be a crappy pony.

Animal Likeness

2005-10-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

You Are A: Duck!

Found in many lakes and ponds, ducks are a common site the world over. Known for their famous quack, ducks tend to congregate in flocks or go off on their own in pairs. As a duck, you may seem friendly at times but will not hesitate to bite if someone is bothering you. Your love for travel and your ability to swim are some reasons why you are a duck.

You were almost a: Monkey or a Pony
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a Turtle Cute Animals Quiz

Aaaahhh!! Duck? Unacceptable.... Who things im like a duck?
Ive heard elephant, buffalo, rhinoceros, bear, monkey, gorilla... but noonne has called me a duck before... Im going to redo.

Warfield Stabilised

2005-10-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

Now that everyone would have seen my unupdated blog and stopped reading, I can continue blogging unhindered. I was just reading some of the stuff I posted over summer...muahahaha.... i sound so weird.....melodramatic.....and almost female. Haha... no wonder everyone said I was all weird over summer. My brilliance shines forth once again as I stand atop the ruins of the EE20 midterm that I just crushed. Now I sound like should...haha. Yes.... definitely...warfield stabilised.

Weird Dreams

2005-08-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

Im going crazy. Maybe I am more stressed out than I think.

On monday, during my long 13 hour slumber, I had weird dream number one. I dreamt that I was about to throw away this old pair of shoes I had. ( I actually threw them away about 3 months ago; Adidas tennis shoes.) Anyway, I was about to throw them away, when Kaihong appeared out of nowhere; now I havent thought about him for ages (sorry man; haha; from now on u'll be on my mind for a while) ; and he asks if he can have the shoes I was going to throw away. So, I give them to him, and he does his "tee hee" laugh, and then goes off. And the dream ends. Odd.

Then tuesday afternoon, I was napping in the afternoon, reacharging before beginning marathon econ study session, when weird dream number two occured. I was snoozing on the living room couch. I suddenly dreamt that I was smoking; with my sister and Yuchong. And that was all the dream was about, we smoked for a bit, and then I woke up. Very odd.

Weird dream number three; i'm not sure if it qualifies as a dream. As I was studying for tomorrow's finals, about an hour ago maybe, I had this sudden and vivid scene playing out i my head. There was a guy and a girl, I couldn't see faces or bodies or legs, just three arms. The guy holds down the girl's arm with one hand, and with his other hand; he has a chopper in it; he chops of her little finger. She screams and blood splashes everywhere. The scene looped a few times like it was on repeat and then just went away. I wasn't even asleep. Rather disturbing. Oh well, better study a bit more. I might regain some sanity after the final tomorrow.

Refreshed

2005-08-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

I really must thank Daphne for the comforter and bedsheets. I can't remember having slept better. Feel good now. Time to go drop the checks at landlady's place. I feel really bad. Apparently Ernest got shouted at because I hadnt dropped the checks off yet. Also, have to do dishes everyday. Really can't let Daphne do them anymore. Poor girl has been doing them everyday.

That was a nice walk. Felt good looking up at the night sky. Very clear, plenty of night sky visible. Was talking to Caixia just a little while ago. Damn, astro coulda seen so much more with skies like this. But i guess we wouldnt have had such a great time on the D then. Anyways, i thought a lot about stuff as I was walking. This past couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about how I might have done things differently; weighing options I dont have anymore; deliberating on choices I have already made. I used to tell myself I dont regret any of the choices I made. How naive. Maybe this is why I have been a little unsociable lately. Eagle eyed hindsight hardly serves any purpose. Golden words of Khoon Kiat. I feel like I have spent all my life chasing dreams that I am never going to reach, while ignoring things I had in my hands, things I wish I had treasured more. Should go study soon. I havent done well in classes for long enough that I am starting to smell the beginings of stupidity emmanate from me. Unacceptable. Self doubt will cause the colossus to crumble. At lunch this afternoon, I felt something of my old self resurface. It is time to get on the last stretch, for the summer at least. A lot of ground to make up.

Channelled

2005-08-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people around me lie to me. Especially when we decided to be straight up about stuff. Whatever. Not my business. And all that talk about being square, bullshit. Anyway, Blake's last night was a stupid waste of time. I was wandering around doing stupid stuff. And the idiots, being the idiots they are, decided to go in without me. I very nearly got run over, and tore half the leg off my pants getting back to Blake's with ID. They didn't let me in anyway. Way to go homies.

Anway, i'm not bitching at people, and i'm not depressed anymore. So that is good. I just feel like hitting something really hard. Got some of that out of my system playing tennis and at hockey practice today. But I got hit on the head though. Not funny. Hearing in one ear is on and off. Kinda have a headace. Whatever. I'm in a whatever mood right now. Calls for some tea, but going to party.

Irritable

2005-08-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Something is definitely wrong. I have been bitching at everyone for the past few days. First I snapped at Jooho; and then at Yanling, when she was on the phone; and at Ernest too. I never snap at Ernest; I never snap at anybody, besides my parents, sometimes. I usually feel really chill and calm just talking to him. He really is easy to be around, and chill with. I have been rather edgy.

For some reason, I also felt that people were taking me for granted; and then I felt bad about thinking that way. I do want my friends to take some liberty with me. I sulked for a while; didn't feel any better, so I decided to be cool again.

Maybe today will be a better day. Have to visit papa.

Cracked

2005-08-02T06:41:00.000-07:00

I meant to post on Thursday, but we were out late, and then Friday got busy since we had to get to LA. For the second time in my life that I can remember, I cracked. That I would crack again under emotional duress, I did not expect. I had not felt the strain even. I am having a wonderful summer, Berkeley is amazing in summer. Yet I am strangely dissatisfied. I feel like something is digging a hole in me, from inside out. I am just glad I had someone to talk to.

The day started out fine. I was looking forward to seeing Mel, she had flown in late on Wednesday. I went out with two pretty housemates to get one a camera. Then we went to SF for dinner with Alex. I met Mel at Union Square. It was wonderful meeting up with Mel, felt like I was in touch with all my hockey buddies. She had dinner plans though, and had other stuff to do the next day, and I had to go to LA. If we are lucky we might meet in a few years. So the 4 of us went to this Chinese restaurant for dinner, decent. We walked around SF for a bit and then headed back. When the girls were done redressing for Blake's, we knocked back a couple of glasses of soju and headed over on our bikes; 2 on each. Pretty crazy. Blakes was good, we were late though, and only clocked 45 minutes before they had to close. We came back and knocked back a few more shots of random spirits, floated for a bit and enjoyed the landing. Everyone drifted off to find a place to snuggle ( I do have a big place eh). I was in a living room as usual, havent come around to clearing my bed yet. One housemate got sexiled, so I had company in the living room.

It was just random conversation, guess she needed to get a few things of her chest. For some reason, it totally screwed me up. The last time I cracked, I could see the weakness. I didnt patch it over or repair it or fill it in. I built a whole new shell; taught myself never to be exposed. But now i don't know what has happened; new fissures, chinks in my armour, but i can't see them; some soul searching to do. I feel this lack of fulfillment brewing within me. I feel bad. I think she was trying to tell me something and I just unloaded on her instead. It was nice having someone to talk to though. You had my back. Thank you.

P.S. Oh, I've got your back too. Its your turn whenever you need to girl. You have an ear right here. Umm, two actually.

Return of the King

2005-07-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Daphne's blog, I have decided to conscientiously update this blog. I shall preside over middle blogdom and dispense justice in a manner that i see fit. My frist royal edict shall be pronounced at 2000 hours today. Behold my brilliance, manifestation of magnificence. Gaze upon my greatness, and I will bless you with my benevolence.

Ahem Ahem

2004-11-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since i last blogged....but i get this feeling that noone has noticed......i.e. noone visits my blog. As such i have deicided that i will continue blogging only if i recieve comments. 1 comment will be sufficient. I have other avenues to gain your adulation and admiration, should this fail. Muhahahaha!

I come to bury Caeser, not to praise him

2004-08-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

Greetings

I hope this will serve me well in keeping in touch with my friends who I may not see again for a while, since Il be overseas. Do post often, send me email whenever ur free, and hang on till you see me again.

Varunacharya